![[icon]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/8879868/1365363) |
I have only one question...
|
| I've been home alone with my thoughts all this week, and let me tell you, I WAS BORED AS HELL. When I was in high school I had the most vivid dream of my life. I won't get into detail, but the one thing it left me with was the feeling that the number 27 is somehow important (in a bad way) in my life. I'm coming up on year 26 and it kind of scares me that 27 isn't all that far behind/ahead of that. I'm freaked out about being a dad (Autumn is due in May) but more than that, I'm freaked out about possibly leaving my family behind because of some freak accident I predicted years ago. It could be something minor, I know, but I just have this icky feeling about what might happen. I also might be projecting my fear of parenthood and the change it brings onto my unconscious brain and it appears to me as the fear of death at 27. Where the hell is someone with one of those 'Dream Books' when you need one?
I've also been devoting a lot of my free time to reconsidering my vocation. I have a theory: all people are born genetically predisposed for one job/profession over another. Some people have good hand/eye coordination and those are the musicians, doctors, athletes, etc. Some people have a heightened sense of awareness and those people are race car drivers, airplane pilots, etc. Keeping this theory in mind, I tried to label all of the traits I have in order to make better sense of what I should be doing in life, as teaching is not cracking up to be what I thought it would. Here's my list:
1. I learn quickly
2. I like talking to people
3. I'm fairly patient
4. I'm large (height, as I've been losing weight)
5. I cannot hope to be tan in my lifetime
6. I have a habit of thinking things to death and then beating them with the proverbial two by four when I should have long ago forgotten about said thing
7. I have a passion for most things 'art'
8. I like good books
9. I can't stand bad music (as in out of tune; as long as it's in tune, I'm usually okay)
10. I have an appreciation for old/vintage/antique things
So what does a person with this particular set of life skills do for a living? Apparently that person is cut out to be a 7th grade language arts teacher. But the thing is is that I don't think that that is what I was meant to be. Sure I like language and I like talking to people, but when the people you are talking to would rather be at home texting their boy-/girlfriend, playing XBox live, and creating MySpace profiles, do you really need to keep talking? What's the point? I always hear 'they'll appreciate your work in the future,' but I need someone who will appreciate my work now so I don't feel like such a failure as a teacher. Perhaps I need to transition back to high school, but I hate grading papers with the utmost passion, so there is that downside no matter what I do. I'm really at a loss. I am going to keep with teaching, as it is one of the only jobs I've heard of that has any sort of job security if you've been teaching for more than a couple of years. After that, who knows? Maybe I'll get that dream job and get paid a salary that is more indicative of my work and my dedication. Maybe then I'll be able to put more away for my kids' college so they won't leave with as much debt as I did.
If anybody has a suggestion, feel free to drop me a line. Send it to my email address or just leave the note here. I'll read both, I promise.
Stig,
Drew | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | First, I haven't written in this for a long time because life has been busy as fuck and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it. We moved from AZ to MO where I got a job teaching Jr. High because I 'needed a change.' The first few weeks were great, but when the true colors started coming through and I found out just how shitty the kids I ended up with can be, I began to hate my job. When admins came to me and told me I needed to work on my classroom management because I didn't have the hold on them the teachers of the 'high' kids did, I hated my job even more. Now I have a house payment (we bought a house because Autumn was tired of paying rent and not 'working towards anything'), Autumn's pregnant, I still have no car, we just bought a new mattress because the other was too soft, we had to buy a brand new washer/dryer because the douchebag who was supposed to sell us his old units backed out like the fucktard he is, I have made NO friends here, the state of the economy has legitimately fucked me because I pay more into insurance than it pays out, and so on and so on. To sum it up, I'm scared as fuck of being a dad, I'm broke as fuck because of student loans and the normal needs of life, I'm depressed as fuck because I have no friends here, and I'm mad as fuck for taking a job that I was basically set up to fail at. I'm probably going to have to get a part-time job on the weekends to get some extra cash, which will basically give me no time to spend at home with my wife and dog. I just bought this great house at a wonderful price and now the only time I really get to spend in it is when I sleep. We don't even have any breakfast food in the house because we can't afford to go food shopping until I get paid. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and I want to sleep for a week or more. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I judged a 'slam poetry' competition. One of the kids was so good, I actually cried. It was your usual pseudo-goth 'God/Politics/Our Parents/Sluts are all evil' type stuff, but the occasional gem poked through the dirt. It made me want to write, which is strange, as I usually regard poetry as the type of thing wannabe goths do to try to 'look dark' or 'not conform.' My buddy Kevin has shown me that anybody can write poetry, it's just the state of mind of the person writing it that effects his/her own perception. So, I'm a gonna get down, free-verse style.
Loser
Who goes to the movies by himself these days?
That'd be me.
My love of cheesy movies usually leaves me alone
with someplace to go and nobody to share popcorn with.
My buttery fingers reach greedily for the next kernel of maybe/maybe
not popped popcorn in order to feed my salt-induced hunger.
I usually finish my popcorn before the movie even starts and I
usually end up missing the first few minutes because my fat ass
loves the buttery goodness.
Really, the reason I eat so fast is because I have nobody to talk to,
at least that I know. Random people in the theatre tend to think
you crazy if you just start talking.
I go because I enjoy the cinema, and apparently I am the only one
who does this evening, as I am the only person in the room.
Maybe I really am the loser that eats because he yearns for someone
to talk to and goes to movies alone because he's afraid
of when the words run out.
I'd muse more, but the movie is getting ready to start, and I'm
out of popcorn.
The crossroads of a bad day
As I pulled on my shoes this morning, the problem I had been avoiding
stared me straight in the face.
What once was a cute fraying, that gave my shoes 'life' and 'character'
is slowly becoming the harbinger of a bad day.
I head to work and do the usual, make copies, chat with colleagues,
remind myself that this constant feeling of annoyance with my students is
just a phase.
Every time I step with my left foot, I feel myself coming one step closer
to that crossroad, the instant my shoe goes loose and my so far mediocre
day takes a turn for the worst.
I look down and see those tired strands of cotton, desperately clinging to each other,
and I am reminded of all of the people I have met and wove paths with.
I feel like that withered part.
I feel worn.
I feel frayed.
I feel like I am just about to come apart.
I feel like the distance between my interwoven particles is getting too large.
In my musings and ruminations, I looked past the problem and saw the whole.
I saw that a flaw in one part doesn't ruin the whole.
I saw that the imperfection helped me appreciate the perfect.
I saw that while one shoe was a problem, the other was going strong.
And, just as I was feeling better about life, love, and my everyday apparel,
I felt a sudden slackening on my left foot.
My shoestring had broken. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I had a free moment so I thought I would post a quick update.
1. I dislike my job with a passion. I would like teaching much more if I didn't have to endure the gangs, overpopulation, and some cry-baby admins who resign at the drop of a hat.
2. I love being married. Autumn is great and is really enjoying her job working with the crazies.
3. The puppy seems to enjoy the back yard and not having to negotiate with snow. Go Abner!
4. I miss my car. If any of you out there have a car they want to donate to me (it must run) just drive it on down to Kingman. You can stay with me until you figure out how you are going to get your benevolent ass back to wherever you came from =]
That about sums it up. This is the first holiday away from family...I don't know how I feel about that yet.
Sabod,
Drew | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | I Got It Bad And That Ain't Good- Louis and Duke | | Time: | 02:42 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/shocked.gif) anxious |
|
| I feel better than I did when last I posted. Lots of shit and stress and such. Suffice it to say I am starting to accomplish a bit of normality here in Arizona through the constant struggle between self and outside influence. I am so tired I can't sleep and I am so stressed out I can't relax. Makes me wish I partook in the 'bookie' as some call it. I should try to get some sleep tonight so I can be fully rested for my last day of official vacation. This summer has flown by like a spontaneously combusted Peregrine falcon. I feel like I got no rest and have 'grown up' too much. I hate bills and 'grown up' responsibilities like life and health insurance and interest rates. I had an English teacher when I was growing up who had the uncanny ability to teach you things that you never knew you needed to know until much later in life. When I graduated from high school he gave my Advanced Composition class a bunch of papers about how to approach life as you grow up and among those papers was a piece of prose/poetry about being six again. I list it below:
I want to be six again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think
it's the best place in the world to eat.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle
and make waves with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money
because you can eat them.
I want to play kickball during recess
and stay up on Christmas Eve
waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof.
I long for the days when life was simple.
When all you knew were your colors,
the addition tables, and simple nursery rhymes,
but it didn't bother you because
you didn't know what you didn't know,
and you didn't care.
I want to go to school and have snack time,
recess, gym, and field trips.
I want to be happy
because I don't know what should make me upset.
I want to think the world is fair,
and everyone in it is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
Sometime, while I was maturing,
I learned too much.
I learned of nuclear weapons,
starving and abused kids, and unhappy marriages.
I want to be six again.
I want to think that everyone, including myself,
will live forever because
I don't know the concept of death.
I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life,
and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want television to be something I watch for fun,
not something I use for escape from the things I should be doing.
I want to live knowing
the little things I find exciting,
will always make me as happy as when I first learned them.
I want to be six again.
I remember not seeing the world as a whole,
but rather being aware of only
the things that directly concerned me.
I want to be naive enough to think that if
I'm happy, so is everyone else.
I want to walk down the beach and think
only of the sand beneath my feet,
and the possibility of finding
that blue piece of sea glass I'm looking for.
I want to spend my afternoons
climbing trees and riding my bike,
letting the grownups worry about time,
the dentist, and how to find the money to fix the car.
I want to wonder what I'll do when I grow up,
not worry what I'll do if this doesn't work out.
I want that time back.
I want to use it now as an escape,
so that when my computer crashes,
or I have a mountain of paperwork,
or two depressed friends,
or second thoughts about so many things,
I can travel back and build snowmen
without thinking about anything
except whether the snow sticks together
and what I can possibly use for the snowman's mouth.
I want to be six again.
I would add that when I was six, Legos were the best toys EVER because you could build so many things with them and when you were bored with that shape you could destroy it and build something else. Life was good then, for most. Six was not a good age for some, I am sure, but this hefty 24 year old wouldn't mind going back to a chubby six years old for a day or so.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| So here is the long and the short of it:
1. My laptop got rained on so I have to use Autumn's slow lappy to update EVERYTHING.
2. I get married in about two weeks (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!)
3. I just accepted a job in Kingman, AZ to teach 9th grade grammar and lit.
4. I get to move again (hopefully for the last time for a while)
5. I get to be near my good friend Noah, who is a scant 2 hour drive up the road from Kingman.
6. Still fucking BROKE.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| So guess who has to pay over 1k in taxes this year? This guy. That would be me, in all of my broken teacher glory.
Fuck taxes, fuck the federal government, FUCK GEORGE W. BUSH.
that is all.
Drew | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| So yeah....not many updates here on account of the myspace...account. But the blog on that thing takes too long for me to load, so I think I will just keep posting on here.
For those of you out there that haven't seen the movie 'Equilibrium' you NEED TO SEE IT. Seriously. It stars Christian Bale, who is a Cleric of a society that is dedicated to keeping all of manking under the boot of non-emotion, dubbing those who feel 'sense offenders.' It is the coolest action movie I have seen in a looooooooong time.
The wedding is coming up right quick. If I can only get my mom to stop acting like a drama queen in regards to certain aspects of financial backing, all will be okay (I fucking hope).
School is school. We start our play soon, "Gardinias 'n' Blum." It is funny, has a small cast, and was cheap. All I have to do is get it taken care of and I will be home free.
I hope all is well with those out there suffering through the shitty ice storm today. Drive safe or just stay home.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Well, I did it. I made the move to MySpace. From what I am able to discern, there are quite a few people who regularly update their MySpace accounts and don't do shit with their Facebook accounts. Perhaps I can feel like a better friend by making a better effort to keep in contact with all of those folks who I haven't seen in a while. http://www.myspace.com/collectorofcrap
Look me up.
Drew | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| More than one in the month! I am on FIRE!!! No really, I am on fire. I was messing around with some rubbing alcohol and a magnifying glass and set my pants on fire. If you get this message soon, you should really call the fire department and get them to put me out.
Random question for all of you faithful internet junkies out there: What do you think of myspace? Overrated? Fun? Too much fun? Dangerous? One of my students got pregnant by a guy she hooked up with on myspace. She is 17 and he is 24. She dropped out of school and is living with him. They are getting married in July. I personally don't see the appeal, but it seems to have grown to monumental proportions. Tell me your thoughts.
That is all for now. We are having an OS problem on Autumn's computer so I will see if I can fix it.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Hello there and good day from the great frozen tundra that is currently Ames, IA. While it hasn't been announced yet, I am so TOTALLY NOT GOING TO WORK TOMORROW!!! With the expected precipitation of 5-7 inches with a frozen layer to boot, travel doesn't look too promising tomorrow.
I have a pretty exciting semester starting this week. Busy, but exciting. Okay, so maybe exciting isn't the word for it. Let's just call it 'Drew-is-going-to-be-busy-as-fuck.' That should about tie it up. I am trying to get things arranged so I can direct a play in April. I still don't know what I am going to do about that, as the scripts I have suck and the catalogs I get in the mail suck even worse. I should have a one man show, and have it all improv. Meet twice the week before and call it good. That would never fly and I know it, but it is nice to dream...
This semester I am teaching speech, composition, creative writing, and I am team teaching a section of 'debate.' I am not sure how that is going to go, but I am pretty damned felxable so it should come out okay, provided the lady I teach with isn't hung over when she gets there. I have never seen it first hand, but the kids have told me that there are times when she comes to work and she isn't so 'fresh,' if you catch what I'm saying. Good times.
That is really all I have to report. Beauty and the Beast went well. I still have my hair and most of my sanity. Autumn and I are still very much in love and looking forward to the wedding in June. Abner is about as happy as a puppy can be. Things are good. I hope things are well with all of you out there.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| A quote I heard in some crazy movie years ago that I really loved:
[T]here are some things that can beat smartness and foresight? Awkwardness and stupidity can. The best swordsman in the world doesn't need to fear the second best swordsman in the world; no, the person for him to be afraid of is some ignorant antagonist who has never had a sword in his hand before; he doesn't do the thing he ought to do, and so the expert isn't prepared for him; he does the thing he ought not to do; and often it catches the expert out and ends him on the spot.
--Mark Twain
The moral of the quote: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE SOMEONE. To do so may mean your very life.
Sweet Dreams,
Drew | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I just got back from a party at Bubba and Katie's pad and lemme tell you, it was fucking fantastic.
God, I miss college.
That is all.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | hung over reverberations echoing through my toes | | Current Location: | office, in my undershorts | | Time: | 07:27 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/angry.gif) bitchy |
|
| I stole this from Renee's LJ and added my own twist...
The first five people to respond to this post, will get a fictional short story, by me, about them. I make no guarantees about quality or type, but I will assure that I will give it good effort.
The only catch, of course, as with most memes, if you sign up, you have to put this in your own journal as well.
That is all.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
|
| Which of the Star wars cast are you? Mace Windu Windu is a Jedi Master of legendary status and one of the last members of the Jedi Council before the Great Jedi Purge. He possesses extensive knowledge of Jedi history and philosophy. A diplomat by nature, Master Windu is the Council's primary liaison to the Supreme Chancellor, although the Clone Wars caused him to question his firmest held beliefs, and engage more in combat. 
| Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Yeah, Mace 'muthafuckin' Windu!!1 | | comments: Leave a comment |
| This is an entry for those of you that actually enjoyed Language Arts classes in high school:
What do you remember the most about what you did in high school composition? What were the projects and lessons that you still remember and hold dear to you? I am looking for ideas, as my sophomores are fading fast already and I really don't want the rest of the year to be such a bummer for them. My speech and mass media kids seem to be an alright bunch, but the comp kids are really pissing me off. I am looking for any ideas that you may have.
Tired. Oh, so tired.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| My favorite song of the day: 'My God' by Jethro Tull. Gotta love a band that rocks out with a fucking flute.
My favorite quote of the day: Samuel L. Jackson==> '...unless I make another movie called 'Mo' Muthafuckin' Snakes on Mo' Muthafuckin' Planes!''
My favorite shoes of the day: the Docs I got in the mail yesterday. Gotta love a 100+ pair of Docs for just over forty dollars, plus shipping.
My drink of the century: Meade. Drink it. Live it. Drink more of it.
My utensil of the day: a swiss army knife.
My game of the day: Super Smash Brothers Melee.
My dog of the day: ABNER!!! or as I like to call him, El Poocho Diablo.
Did I mention Meade?
Kinda sloshed, and the school year has only just begun.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: Leave a comment |
| WE HAVE A NEW PUPPY!!!
Autumn found him on petfinder.com and his name is Abner. He is a cocker spaniel mix, is about five months old, and is just a wonderful pooch. I will post a pic as soon as I get back from Branson (tomorrow). Much love to all, from me, Autumn and the pooch.
Stig,
Drew | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
|
I have only one question...
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
didgerydrew's journal![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/blank.gif){kind=small}
blank![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/blah.gif){kind=small}
hungry
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/sick.gif){kind=small}
drunk![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/hyper.gif){kind=small}
giddy